Brook got home from work yesterday and began to rummage through the fridge like a school kid just coming through the door. He finished off one of the girls leftover PB&J sandwiches and turned to me and asked if I was feeling okay.
Oh yeah…White Bread!
I rarely buy store bought bread because I either make it or source it from the Amish bakery. This week as I was leaving the grocery store an employee was giving away a free loaf of white bread to each customer. I hesitated but then agreed, thinking it would be perfect for the ducks at the park.
We got home and in a tizzy tried to unpack the groceries and pack a picnic for the park. Realizing I never made it to the market nor did I bake bread this week, we needed to use the white bread for our own consumption. I can hear all you crunchy green mama’s gasping and saying “Oh no she didn’t!”
Well, oh yes I did! I can’t do it all! Sometimes you just have to let go.
There is nothing I love more than providing my family with wholesome home-cooked foods, but how anal retentive of a parent should I be not to let them have any processed foods? Like where do you draw the line when your child is offered a lolli-pop at the bank or hardware store? I am always that mom that says no and I feel guilty about it. As hard as we may try to live and eat perfectly, it never goes according to plan. Quite frankly, store bought bread is so much easier. Sometimes it is necessary for a mother’s sanity to be able to buy bread at the store.
Those days when I think I am super mom usually leave me feeling like a failure of a mom instead. Whether it is the milk burning on the stove in preparation to make yogurt or worse, my kids acting out because I have been trying to show them love through food rather than actually sitting down to play a game.
We recently have been saying no to projects on the farm because we know our time is valuable. Our children are little and they come first. Yes, we want to do it all and yes, we are capable of doing it all, but what are we trying to prove?
Knowing our limits…
This year we said no to tapping the maple trees and let the girls have fun collecting just enough sap for one serving of pancakes. It made our hearts skip a beat when they would check their taps twenty times a day and declare who collected the most for the day.
The barn roof needed repaired and painted. Brook was capable of getting the job done but we thought about the countless Saturdays it would take and the risk involved just to save a few dollars. So we hired a reasonable guy to get it done in a day.
You all know how badly this mama wants a goat or better yet a cow, but as much as I would love the fresh milk from our own animals, we have reliable sources right down the road. Realistically it would put me over the edge to care and milk that animal.
We already have a freezer full of beef and venison so we said no to raising a steer on the summer pasture.
Our life is about balance and finding the time to do what we enjoy on the farm rather than making it a chore and time away from our kids. They are right there with us planting and caring for the animals, but they get bored doing grown up responsibilities on a daily basis. Our children should be able to experience playful times with us too and not always house work, yard work, and farm chores.
I have to laugh because someone recently asked me if there is anything I can’t do?
Ha, yes sister, there are plenty of things I can’t or don’t want to do. Like dishes! That is why I use paper plates. You know the cheap kind that fall apart when you cut your food?
I buy cheap target diapers because I can’t get the hang of cloth diapers and eew! I just don’t like to scrape poop!
I did not breast feed my babies until they were one. I wished I could have, but my body just did not allow it.
My floors always have a thin layer of dirt on them. I am not the best house keeper. I would rather be outside having fun with my kids on a sunny day.
Laundry usually has to be washed two times because I forget about it.
I can’t knit or crochet. Believe me, I tried and failed miserably.
I can keep telling you about my failures but the point is…. I am flawed just like everyone else. It is easier than ever to compare ourselves with others because of social media. We only see one side on facebook, instagram, blogs, or television.
I am perfectly imperfect and I am learning to rest in God’s grace, because I know He cares for me and loves me the way I am, the way He made me.
When we are confident in His love for us, we can be brave enough to admit our failures or to say no to tasks that will put us over our stress limits.
He is refining me every day. He is helping me to let go and let God even when I want to conquer the world with my grand plans. I am so passionate about life and all the possibilities beyond these four walls. Then I remember God only fulfilled Abraham’s purpose in life at a ripe old age.
Right now I get to sit and rock my babies on the porch and He will cover the rest. And what a blessing it is to just sit and rock, because this time will never come again.
In the end it is okay to eat white bread on occasion and it is okay to use paper plates.
Go ahead and embrace the day learning to let go of what is invaluable.